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i have a drug problem

if you struggle with addiction read this

I have a drug problem

Anyone who follows me on social media has a warped perception of who I am.

When Mike Bolton flew out to Panama to stay with Dakota Robertson, Dale Thomas, and I.

The first thing he said was that he was surprised by how different the real me is from my online persona.

Now, that’s not to say I’m fake online.

Or that I don’t show my true colors on the timeline.

It’s just that my Digital Identity is professionally tailored to be authentic while also attracting clients.

In reality, I’m much more multi dimensional.

Anyone who’s joined one of my X spaces or been a member of my past cohort will know what I’m talking about.

But something I never talk about on the time line is that i have a drug problem…

My Meteoric Rise

In 2022, I went from making $42,000 CDN a year.

To roughly $500,000 USD a year – that’s nearly $700,000 CDN.

Not only that, but I went from being stuck in one city.

To being able to travel the world, attend festivals, and work from anywhere.

My life changed so fast it made my head spin.

I didn’t know what to think or do about it.

With so much lifestyle change, came unexpected changes I could have never predicted…

… I started doing a lot more drugs.

❖ MDMA to let loose at festivals

❖ CBD and THC to wind down after long work days

❖ Adderall and Nicotine to keep up with the crazy work load

❖ And I even did Ayahuasca 4x for self discovery in the jungle of Costa Rica

At first, it all seemed harmless.

I’d say things like “I have lots to do today so might as well take Adderall.”

It wasn’t until the people closest to me started to voice their concerns.

⇢ Jack Moses mentioned my use of Adderall is excessive and a part of my productivity problem.

⇢ Lara Acosta mentioned she’s uncomfortable with my constant drug use.

⇢ And my girl friend recently mentioned she’s starting to get a little worried for my future health.

Now before we go any deeper, this isn’t a woe is me kind of story.

I’m not on the verge of going bankrupt from doing heroine.

Or struggling with a cocaine addiction – I’ve never done it before.

I’m also not at a point where I’m spiralling out of control.

But when I look at the reality, each of them is right.

What started as infrequent recreational drug use quickly became frequent and unsustainable.

Hell, I’m on Adderal while writing to you right now.

This has caused me to reflect deeply on why I use drugs in the first place.

And the realizations have been nothing short of life changing…

What Everyone Gets Wrong About Acceptance

Whatever your beliefs are around therapy, it does get one thing right.

You cannot change until you’re willing to accept you have a problem.

But everyone gets the idea of acceptance wrong.

Modern culture views acceptance as embracing your own inadequacy.

They want you to believe it’s okay to be overweight, act out on your emotions in unhealthy ways, and have unrealistic relationship standards.

None of this is okay.

And you shouldn’t accept it as okay.

With that said, you can accept where you’re at without being okay with it.

You see, acceptance is the willingness to look at the reality of your present circumstances.

When I take the time to look at the cold hard truth of my situation it becomes obvious that I have a drug problem.

Consuming 20 mgs of nicotine per day to enter deep work just isn’t healthy.

So am I accepting that taking this much nicotine is okay?

Hell no.

I’m just accepting that it’s a current habit of mine.

Now that I’ve accepted it, I’m able to change.

So I’ll ask you a similar question:

“What habits, beliefs, or behaviors have you been unwilling to accept that are potentially reducing the quality of your life?”

Single Pointed Consciousness

Why do I do drugs?

Taken a step further, why does anyone do anything that is unhealthy in the first place?

It all boils down to chasing the high of single pointed consciousness (SPC).

SPC is a flow state.

It’s a moment where your mind is focused on a single task or point.

Your perception of time dissipates.

The barrier between you and your surrounding becomes blurred.

And you experience pure euphoria for as long as it lasts.

Sports players experience it while performing.

You experience it for a brief moment every time you orgasm at the end of sex.

And drug users experience it while high.

If you look at anything you love doing, you’ll find the common thread is single pointed consciousness.

For example, my girl friend loves socializing and being surrounded by groups of people.

I can tell she enters flow.

She isn’t in her head thinking about her problems, insecurities, or worrying about the future.

No, she’s fully embracing the present moment.

And to her mind, it feels oh so good.

For me, I get this feeling when I play video games.

They’re so stimulating that all I can think about is the game.

The time I spend playing feels akin to pure euphoria.

Take a moment to reflect on what you love.

Do you see the moment of single pointed consciousness?

This is why people like myself with high anxiety love drugs like Adderall.

It’s a forcing function for single pointed consciousness.

People with depression often feel the same effects when they do Ketamine.

It disassociates them from their depression giving them temporary relief from their busy mind.

When you think about it, this makes complete sense.

Anxiety is mentally living in the future.

Depression is mentally living in the past.

Both illnesses rob you from SPC. They take you away from the present.

Maybe Eckhart Tolle was onto something in his best selling book The Power of Now.

Spirituality aside, being completely present is the ultimate peak state we can achieve as humans.

The Consequences of Drug Use

Single pointed consciousness is our peak desirable state.

And that isn’t a bad thing.

It only becomes bad when the way we achieve it leads to consequences.

Adderall is my main forcing function for experiencing SPC.

But the next day, I feel like my focus is zapped.

Just sitting down to write tweets feels 10x harder than usual.

This makes the method for achieving this peak state undesirable.

Compare that to entering flow by lifting weights, working on a difficult project right at the edge of your abilities, or spending time playing board games with friends.

The big difference is the latter methods lead to no future consequences.

Design your life with intention and you can experience SPC without wreaking any havoc on your life.

If this is true, then why don’t most people do this?

The unfortunate truth is that the reward circuits are flipped.

With drugs, you experience SPC right away and with no effort required to do so.

With lifting weights, you experience SPC during and afterwards but it requires significant energy expenditure to do so.

Do you see how instant gratification plays a role here?

It’s not hard to lose yourself watching Netflix, but you do lose a day of progress.

It’s not hard to lose yourself scrolling TikTok, but again, you lose a day of progress.

And in the extreme case of drug use, you get SPC on demand but with the huge downsides of brain damage and emotional volatility.

Turns out the Twitter bros are right.

Delayed gratification really will change your life.

Design Your Ideal Life

With all this said, in 2024, I’m ditching the drug use – for the most part.

I won’t lie to you, when I go to EDC Vegas in May, I’m gonna do some MDMA.

But the daily drug use is coming to an end.

I’m moving to Scotland with my girl friend.

Where I won’t have access to Adderall and will be kicking my nicotine habit.

Environments influence us more than we’d like to admit.

Being an ocean away from my Adderall dealer is going to be huge for me.

On top of that, I’m designing my life around healthy habits that allow me to experience daily SPC.

❖ Daily exercise

❖ Challenging myself to write the best content I can

❖ Consuming knowledge I’m deeply curious to understand

So to Jack, Lara, and my girl friend Rylie, thank you.

Thank you for waking me up to the reality of my situation.

Accepting it wasn’t easy.

But accepting our flaws and uncomfortable truths never is.

If you’re suffering from any addictions, know you’re not alone.

Addiction is often an auto pilot response that leads to experiencing SPC.

By identifying the trigger and accepting it you gain the power to move beyond it.

Let 2024 be the year we design our dream life.

And kick these addictions for good.

Until next time,

-Taylin John Simmonds

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Taylin Simmonds
About the author

Retired educator turned creator and consultant, I took my ghostwriting agency to $500K/year. Now I guide other creators toward achieving similar results.

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